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Det är ironiskt att jag är en så stresstålig person när riktig stress uppstår, när många saker måste göras på samma gång och snabbt dessutom. Men den inre stress som min hjärna bygger upp så fort jag har något på schemat, den kan jag inte hantera. En kurs i sundsvall fick mig att stressa bort hela mars, trots att kursen bara varade i knappt två veckor. Trots att den var jätterolig, och jag har umgåtts med trevliga människor, ätit god mat, fått mycket sömn och goda hotellfrukostar. Hur kan avvikelser från vardagen stressa upp mig så mycket? Den är så värdefull för mig att jag blir provocerad, arg och stressad av att ändra den. Jag är så bortskämd. Signalen från hjärnan som lyder "jag har inte tid!", det är den som hindrar mig från att hinna något när jag bara tänker "jag har inte tid" hela tiden. Jag uppskattar och älskar min vardag och alla detaljerna i den. Och jag slösar bort den genom att stressa upp mig själv över bokstäver på papper, alltså noteringar i kalendern. För det kommer alltid att stå saker i kalendern. Det kommer alltid ligga tidnigar på köksbordet, kläder på sovrumsgolvet och plackers på handfatet. Varken kalendern eller hemmet kan bli helt fläckfritt. Det får vara bra nu, jag tänker i protest lugna bort min inre stress.

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